Day 7: I Am Responsible, I Will Tell Them

Today I’m having a pretty hard day emotionally. We had the morning off to rest or do whatever we wanted, and I think it gave everything I’ve been seeing and hearing a chance to sink in. Also, Paul’s talk last night really pulled on my heartstrings. There are so many broken people here. I know America definitely has its fair share of brokenness, but this is just plain different for what most Americans considered brokenness. My heart breaks for the orphans of America just it like it breaks for the orphans in Africa. However, Africa just has the problem multiplied by what seems to be infinity. My heart breaks for the hungry of America, but, again, Africa is just different. I really don’t know how to put it into words. My mouth can’t seem to articulate the way I feel. Until you have been here, it is difficult to grasp the gravity and enormity of the issues.

Brooke Fraser says it so eloquently in her song “Albertine:”

(Watch Video Here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGx-xU6TnU8)

Now that I have seen

I am responsible

Faith without deeds is dead

Now that I held you with my own arms

I cannot let go to till you are ...

I am on a plane

Across a distant sea

But I carry you in me

And the dust on, the dust on, the dust on my feet

Rwanda

Now that I have seen

I am responsible

Faith without deeds is dead

Now that I have held you in my own arms

I cannot let go till you are ...

I will tell the world

I will tell them where I’ve been

I will keep my word

I will tell them Albertine

Rwanda

Now that I have seen

I am responsible

Faith without deeds is dead

Now that I held you in my own arms

I cannot let you go til you are ...

I am on a stage

A thousand eyes on me

I will tell them Albertine

I will tell them Albertine

I could put many names in the place of Albertine, the one that moved Brooke Fraser. I could tell the story of Abraham, Habebah, Sheulamae, Sumine, Mary, Grace, Peace, or Niggist. All children with more pain in their short lives than most of us see in a long lifetime. Some have joy that exudes despite their circumstances. This is nothing short of a miracle. Others wear a mask to hide their pain. And others sit silent with pain covering up their heart.

Yet God is there. God is there in pain and God is there in joy. I know this to be true. As their tears fall, so do tears fall on God’s face. I have to remind myself of God’s promise as my heart aches for each precious, perfect face I look into. John 16:33 says “These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world, you will have tribulation: but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” Also, several times in both the New Testament Lord tells us that He will NEVER leave us. Deuteronomy 31:6 we are told, “Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God. He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave your nor forsake you.“

My prayer is that I never become numb to the stories of the lives of people. I thank God for the pain that I have experienced in my life so that I am able to have compassion and empathy even if I can only identify with a small part of their stories. I have begun to understand the reason for some of my own pain over the course of my life. And thankfully I know that Jesus, the Great Sufferer, can most certainly not only identify with their pain, but also feel it. I pray God continually opens my eyes to the things that break His heart.

After our time of rest this morning, we took a quick little drive over to Canaan’s Children’s Home. In the eyes of America, the facility looked poor at best, but by the standards of the village where it was located, it was exceptional.

And the hearts of those that ran the children’s home? Glorious, absolutely glorious. I am continually amazed by the adults we encounter that run these children’s programs. The strength they have can only come from God himself. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever met anyone like Pastor Isaac and Rebecca before. If you should ever have the chance to meet them and speak with them, please take it. Run to meet them for they will inspire you to truly live out the Gospel.

Canaan is a children’s home where children will spend their entire childhood. They do not get adopted out. Currently there are 104 children living there and they are one big family. They rarely get visitors so they made a huge deal of our arrival. It was precious.

Amanda (our team leader) was almost like a celebrity. They had her introduce each of us and told the kids to pay attention because they would be expected to remember each of our names. They listened attentively and then were quizzed on a few at the end. I loved seeing the excitement in their faces.

We then took a tour of the grounds. There are several needs at this orphanage such as the need for a new playground. The one they have has fallen apart and looks too dangerous to play on. There is a clinic for the community on the grounds that is in desperate need of medical help and material needs. The computer lab has a few donated computers sitting unused and waiting to be set up. Despite these needs and many others, the love that abounded for the caregivers was so contagious.

We did several activities with the kids and the guys played soccer with the older boys despite a heavy rainstorm. I always feel so close to God when I am doing His work. Being His hands and feet allows me to learn more about His nature and character and draws me closer to His heart. I count this trip a complete privilege.

I had the pleasure of speaking with a 21 year old girl named Peace during our time there. She is the caregiver or “Auntie” of the older girls at Canaan. She asked me several questions about America. She spoke English pretty well and we were able to have a wonderful conversation.

At one point, she asked me what my testimony was. I tried to give a simple, understandable version of the trials in my life and how I had come to have a deep, intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. I think she understood most of what I said. I then asked her to share hers. I didn’t know what I was in for. She shared how her Father died when she was six and her family could no longer pay her school fees. When she was about 8 her brothers began working in order to pay for her to go to school. She told about her difficult life. I tried to sit there attentive while at the same time restraining my tears.

She started to have a more difficult time when she was a teenager and had heard about this place called Canaan. She had heard there was love and the people were Christians. She came there herself at about age of 16 and asked if she could live there. I was unclear about whether or not her mother was still alive. She began living at Canaan and her life completely changed.

I have honestly never seen someone more in love with Jesus. If I could bottle the love she felt for Him and sell it, I would be a billionaire. She told me of how she loves to pray. She prays anytime she can. She loves to be able to give counsel and guidance to the girls she cares for. I can’t imagine what she must speak into their lives. I pray that God blesses Peace beyond what she can ever think and imagine. I image the reward for her in Heaven must be many rooms deep.

A bit later we did some trauma counseling/art therapy with the kids. Amanda shared with them how our heart can break just as our bones can break and we can have heart wounds. When we get bitten by a snake, we must get the venom out or it can poison our bodies. The same is true with things that have happened in our life. If something has caused great sadness and we don’t talk about it, it can poison other parts of our lives as we get older. Freedom comes from sharing our stories.

We used a program that Amanda’s friend, Bethany, created for her ministry called Exile. Exile does trauma counseling in regions were kids were forced to become child soldiers and where other terrible things have happened to them. After speaking with the kids for a while, we split them into groups and had them draw a time in their life when they were sad, or scared, or angry, and then share that with us. Some children didn’t understand and drew pictures that were irrelevant. That was just fine. It allowed them a chance to be creative. Others totally got it and drew things of great sadness. Many drew of times they were hungry. Some drew of parents beating or “caning” them. One child drew a picture about himself eating rotten bread out of the rubbish pile. I’ll share the pictures when I can. We taught them that even in the midst of their suffering, God was there. We had them draw God in their picture. Hopefully this was the start of the healing process for some of them.

All in all this was another great day, but oh, so hard. Here in Uganda, the people, and especially children, do not show a lot of emotion, especially emotions such as sadness, fear, hurt, or anger. In all the children we’ve encountered, I’ve hardly seen any child cry. Even when they been hurt or someone has done something mean to them. I think I am partly weeping for them. Weeping the tears they cannot. Weeping tears that they have been told to hold back. Weeping for lies that have been spoken over them that they must not cry.

Sweet Jesus, remove these lies. Let them cry out to You even if they can cry to no one else.